Terms of Endearment – Naming our Vaginas, Loving Our Selves
In response to reading this link from a “Pocket Guide to Vaginal Euphemisms” ; a list of terms for the vagina/female genitalia from feministing.com, I felt such a sense of despondency. As a long-time reader of women’s writing and erotica; as a writer of erotica and writing on the feminine experience; as a woman who has studied and practiced Tantra & Tantric sex – I knew there were far more honouring terms and images out there! My sadness soon turned to indignation and outrage at the sheer number of derogatory, demeaning, misogynist, demonizing, pathologizing terms and phrases listed there. Some of the terms in this above-mentioned article – like” dick sharpener” ,” organ grinder”, “beef curtains” – are so overdue for cultural burial. These are names coined by men, generally, and I find it ironic that the average man loves sex so much, yet the seed of their shame about their own pleasure and need spawn these derogatory names, and these are then projected onto the undeserving vagina.
There were about six more positive (or at least less demeaning) terms, including “Yoni”, which the article claimed was a made-up word! In fact, Yoni is a Sanskrit word dating back centuries, often used in Tantric texts, which refers to the vulva or female genitalia, and has sacred and divine connotations. And did you know that esoteric texts from both Indian and Arabic cultures have a multiplicity of names for the different types of vulvas and their varying sexual responses! Oh that the English language could be that daringly revealing and diversely honouring!
So I thank the editor for sharing this, because although I think it’s an awful list, it’s important to “know thine enemy”. It has inspired me to create a more honouring, positive, playful, sexy one! I have attempted to cater to all tastes and traditions, from the poetic to the playful, from the Tantric to Pagan/Wikkan, with a little pop culture thrown in too. I’ve included images I’ve used in my own writing, and some I’ve enjoyed creating just for this list. Included also is a link to a web-site from which I drew a few of these names, which also has a more complete and balanced list of names for the vagina/female sex throughout history and different cultures.
Below are sacred, sexy, lyrical, playful, positive, empowering terms/images. Not all will work for everyone though, of course! I’ve intuitively divided them into “moods” – those of gentle self-knowng, curiousity, desire, and power. And being an erotica writer, I couldn’t resist introducing each mood with an erotic appetiser. And also as a reminder that word are context-sensitive too.What may feel right in one context may not in another. Please enjoy perusing this list; experiment with these terms; try them in love-making play; create your own… I dare you!
Here, when she is most with herself, when she seeks and finds her own pleasure, by herself or with another, here in her…
| Bella* | Moon-Mirror* |
| Pandora’s Box* | Rose-wet cave (poet Adrienne Rich) |
| Raspberry Swirl (Tori Amos) | Nether Mouth* |
| Inland Sea* | Momo (Jap. – meaning peach, but also yoni) |
| Infinite-petalled lotus* | Moon Cave (Chinese Colloquial Expression) |
| Inner Heart (Chinese) | Perfumed Garden |
| Bliss Palace* | Orchard (16th Century England) |
| Magic Cauldron* |
In the dark, when she should be sleeping, she trails her fingers lightly down her body, caressing the warm pillow of flesh between her thighs, then venturing to open herself just a little, stroking her…
| Petite Chat* (Fr – little cat) | Daikoku (Jap. – dark earth yoni) |
| Padma – (Sanskrit - lotus flower, a synonym for yoni) | Yoni |
| Lotus-flower (See above) | Bon-Tembo (Jap. the celestial yoni) |
| Dragon’s pearl (see Bon-Tembo) | Undulating velvet |
| Mystic Rose (code – Western esoteric schools) | Vagine (mock-French for vagina) |
| Sacred flower | Miaow-Miaow* |
| Jade Door (Chinese) |
He mouths her delicately at first, then as her beckoning scent rises to meet him, his hunger grows, tongue delving deeper into her, tasting from her…
| Honey-pot (19th century English) | Chalice (code – Western esoteric schools) |
| Sea secret inside (Tori Amos) | El laddid (Arab. ‘the delicious’) |
| El merour (Arab. ‘the deep one’) | Schmundie (Yiddish word) |
| Cowrie shell* | Lolly Gobble Bliss-Bomb (tee-hee!) |
At the pinnacle of her pleasure, back arched, hair and eyes wild, he is the taken one, and he feels the fiery Goddess power of her, as his senses and flesh are drawn inwards, upwards, deeper into her…
| Shakti Source | Oracle (19th century English from Lat, orare, ‘to request’ |
| Mahayoni (Sanskrit, ‘Great Yoni’) | Yoniverse |
| Divine Portal* | Whirling Dervish* |
| El harr (Arab. ‘the hot one’) | Mut (Australian indigenous word – from Nyoongar language) |
| Phoenix (Chinese) | Love-knot* |
| Inner Heart (Chinese) | Perfumed Garden |
| Bliss Palace* | Orchard (16th Century England) |
| Magic Cauldron* |
Women, let’s be creative, self-loving and honouring of this part of our body that is the doorway to life, and the generator of so much pleasure! Let’s start new traditions, or reclaim words that have sacred, reverent origins (such as cunt and quim). Let’s give our daughters new words that gleam with delight, honour and promise, names that don’t carry the burdens of shame, fear, and loathing previous generations have had to struggle with and against. I don’t have a daughter. But as I fell asleep last night I envisaged my little would-be 3-year-old seeing me get dressed.
Truly Bella
Georgia O’Keeffe
“Mummy, what’s that called?”, she asks, pointing shyly to my vagina.
”That darling, is my bella, and you have one too.”
“Why is it called bella?”, she would ask, looking down at herself.
“Because bella means beautiful, and it’s a special part of our bodies that makes you a girl, and me a woman,” I reply.
Later, when she is taking a bath, I see her touch it gently.
“Bella, my bella…”
This is not my story of how I was first introduced to my vagina. But I would want it to be my daughters’ introduction. Her first association with this part of herself being beautiful …
Let’s give ourselves names that speak of our positive, intimate relationship to this part of ourselves, not necessarily solely in relation to or for the pleasure of the penis. Let’s encourage our men, and educate teenage boys to use words that don’t demean our vaginas, or the act of having sex with a woman.
Language is power. Let’s wield it wisely.
(Loose) References
* Asterisked words -Purely my creative whimsy. Words I’ve used in my writing, long thought about as visual metaphors for the female sex or dreamed up here. I cannot with certainty claim any are original though. Except perhaps Moon-Mirror (as in women’s cycles reflecting the moons’ cycles), which came to me in a dream as I was writing this article.
Undulating Velvet – courtesy of my friend Catherine MacLeod
All Arabic terms from – “Names for the Yoni” “The Arab words and any quotations given here are from the 16th century erotic manual known as The Perfumed Garden – The Forbidden Classic of Arabic Sexuality
Several terms are taken from this well researched and balanced list on the web-site Yoniversum :http://yoniversum.nl/yoni/yonilist.html#pagetop Well worth checking out!
Yoniverse – I borrowed from the above web-site!
Mut – thankyou to Jamie MacQueen for sharing this one. Interestingly, Mut is also an ancient Egyptian Mother Goddess, and the word also had older Egyptian origins – meaning “primordial waters of the cosmos.”
Moon Cave – Taken from Woman Heal Thyself: An Ancient Healing System for Contemporary Women
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